


Not now and not here

by Enolaholmes468



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29523177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enolaholmes468/pseuds/Enolaholmes468
Summary: Sherlock starts to remember during John’s wedding and suppresses it until he can go somewhere more appropriate.If what we found out about in the last episode of series 4 happened during the sign of three. Please don’t read if you haven’t finished series 4 as it contains some major spoilers.
Relationships: Mary Morstan & John Watson, Mary Morstan/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes & Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	Not now and not here

The wedding was going very well, of course it was Sherlock had helped plan it. He knew his life would change after that day he just hadn’t realised how. Sherlock was watching John talk to major Sholto and suddenly he started to feel a negative emotion quite intensely. He didn’t know what was going on he had watched John talk to other people a lot and he had seen that admiration in his eyes before when he was talking to Mary. It always hurt but never this much, Sherlock could feel some emotion bubbling up to the surface in the form of a memory but he suppressed it. Now was not the time, here was not the place. 

Whatever was going on he knew Mycroft would have answers and so he phoned him and lightly reminded him it wasn’t too late to come. He said Redbeard which evoked more emotion but Sherlock suppressed it again. Now was not the time, here was not the place.

Sherlock sighed and tried to forget his emotional issues and focus on the wedding. He gave his best mans speech and solved an attempted murder. He then played the song he had written for the wedding. He accidentally deducted that Mary was pregnant and then told them to go off and dance. He was left alone on the dance floor and the emotions came back again, he needed answers. He left the wedding and went to visit Mycroft.

Mycroft opened the door to find a crying Sherlock.  
“You’ve become very sentimental, brother mine.”  
“I’ve come looking for answers.”  
“To what? Brother dear.”  
“I have been remembering things all evening, terrible emotions have been coming to light. Something to do with Redbeard.”  
“Ah, I’m afraid you’re not going to like the answers I give.” Mycroft said and invited Sherlock inside. They sat on Mycroft’s sofa in his living room and they looked at each other.  
“I’ve been trying to suppress the memory but it’s so strong.”  
“It would be.”  
“I remember a little boy and a little girl and you. I seem to be getting on well with this little boy and the little girl is all by herself.”  
“Keep going.”  
“The girl she’s related to us somehow and yet the boy isn’t. We’re playing pirates, I’m Blackbeard and he’s...” Sherlock stopped and gasped.  
“Yes, brother dear”  
“Oh god no” Sherlock exclaimed, his face aghast.  
“You’re so close to the answer” Mycroft didn’t want Sherlock to go through the pain of remembering but he knew that he had to now that they had gotten this far. He had hoped that somehow this day would never come.  
“He’s Redbeard. She killed him and she’s my sister.”  
Sherlock sat quietly for a second, tears running down his face. Mycroft looked at him waiting for Sherlock to say something or do something. 

“SHE WAS MY SISTER AND SHE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND.” Sherlock screamed at the top of his lungs, clearly distraught. He started sobbing uncontrollably and Mycroft hugged him.  
“Shhh now brother dear, it will be ok.”  
“I want to go back to how it was. I want to go back to being emotionless and unfeeling I don’t want to feel like this.”  
Mycroft’s heart broke, he may not be prone to outbursts of brotherly compassion but he was human after all. He had no idea how to console his brother and so he phoned John. He knew Sherlock adored him and he was good with all this emotion stuff. 

John answered his phone quite quickly.  
“Mycroft what do you want I’m at my wedding.”  
“I need you to come to my house now.”  
“Now is really not a good time Mycroft.”  
“It’s about Sherlock.”  
“Where is he I’ve been trying to find him for the last hour.”  
“He’s with me.”  
“I didn’t realise he left.”  
“John he needs you, it’s urgent.”  
“Seriously? I can’t just babysit him whenever Mycroft this is the most important day of my life.”  
“I am aware how you view this event and I would not be calling you unless it was absolutely necessary but Sherlock needs you, John I need you.”  
“I’m on my way.”  
“There’s a car waiting outside.”

John went to find Mary quickly and explained the situation.  
“But John it’s our wedding day.”  
“I know but Mycroft said he needed me.”  
“This must be serious then.”  
“I know.”  
“Ok you can go but fill me in on it later.”  
“I will do, thanks Mary.”  
And with that John left his wedding and went out into the cold air of the night. He got into the sleek black car waiting outside and soon he was at Mycroft’s house. He got out of the car and walked to the front door. He knocked and Mycroft answered it almost immediately looking rather disheveled.

John was invited in to Mycroft’s house and taken to the sofa where Sherlock was curled up in a ball sobbing. He was no longer wearing his coat and scarf which had been thrown to the floor in his distraught state. In fact he was no longer wearing his suit jacket. John was shocked, Sherlock was clearly upset but Sherlock didn’t get upset. He didn’t feel emotion like other people and yet here he was more overcome with emotion than anyone John had ever seen. John sat on the sofa next to Sherlock and lay a hand gently on his back.

“Hey Sherlock, it’s me John.”  
Sherlock uncurled a little and reached out and clung to John. John hugged him in return making little shushing noises to try and calm him.  
“You’re ok, I’ve got you.” He said over and over. They say like that for about 4 hours and then finally Sherlock stopped crying. He looked at John and horsefly whispered “Thank you.” John looked down at him.  
“What for?”  
“For being there for me and putting up with my all these years.” John was scared, it sounded like Sherlock was saying goodbye. He knew he couldn’t leave his friend alone that night he was too upset.  
“I’m never going to leave you.” John said. He was shocked that his wedding had gotten Sherlock so upset, he had known what was coming and he had done everything possible to show him that nothing would change. 

Sherlock seemed a little calmer now so John looked at him and softly asked him what had happened.  
“I started to remember John, I started to remember terrible things that happened a long time ago. Things that I had suppressed and they left me emotionless and cold.”  
“What did you remember?” John asked his tone even softer now.  
“When I was younger..” Sherlock took a deep breathe. “I had a sister and she...” Sherlock started to sob but eventually got it under control. “I had a best friend and my sister she..she killed him.”  
“Oh Sherlock, I’m so sorry, that’s awful. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I’m here for you always if I can help you process this at all in any way just let me know.”  
“Just stay with me please John.”  
“Of course, for as long as you need. I’m just going to let Mary know that I will be staying with you.” Sherlock let him go out of the room to make the call and as he hung up Mycroft approached him.

“How is he?”  
“He’s calmed down a little bit we need to stay with him for a while.”  
“Thank you John, I know this wasn’t what you planned to do on your wedding night.”  
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here right now.” And with that Mycroft left John and went to another room. John went back to Sherlock. He saw Sherlock sitting still, very rigid, staring at the wall a sad look in his eyes. He recognised that look, he couldn’t let anything happen to Sherlock. Not like the last time when everything had gotten too much for Harry and she has tried to end it all. He couldn’t let Sherlock do that to himself.

John and Sherlock went back to Baker Street by Sherlock’s request. They sat on the sofa and Sherlock exhausted from his long day and all his crying fell asleep. John lay a blanket over his friend and quietly went over to his computer, he cancelled everything he had planned for the next few days and then went and sat in his chair and watched Sherlock sleep. John fell asleep in his chair and awoke to find Sherlock no longer in the shower, he saw that the cutlery drawer was open and he looked around panicked for Sherlock. He rushed around the flat and realised the bathroom door was locked. He knocked and got no answer so he broke the door down and saw Sherlock hunched over the bath with a knife to his wrist.  
“Please don’t, however you feel now I know it’s awful but it will pass. Do you really want to pass on your pain to me and your entire family? Do you really want Greg and Molly to suffer like that? I know it’s hard to lose your best friend, I went through it for two years, please don’t do that to me again. Please Sherlock.”  
Sherlock dropped the knife and it clattered into the bathtub. John surveyed both wrists and found them completely unharmed. He’d been where Sherlock was before he knew how hopeless it felt but he couldn’t imagine the pain of it being at the fault of your own sister. If John ever met Sherlock’s sister he would make her pay for what she had done to Sherlock.

Sherlock started crying again and turned to bury his head in John’s shirt, John hugged him and shushed him gently again as Sherlock just apologised over and over again. John knew that he would do anything for Sherlock they were closer than just best friends. They were family, they were there for each other when no one else was and had helped each other in their own weird ways. 

John stuck by Sherlock and a couple of months later he was much better and back to his old self almost. He still has dark nights but he always phoned John and he no longer felt completely hopeless about life he knew that he had a purpose and that no matter what he had John.


End file.
